oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
