just survived the first fart of the relationship.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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