I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize