It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
