why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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