I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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