just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
