just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
