"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
