why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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