its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
