I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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