she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
