she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
