What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
that's an acceptable place to lick
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
