I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
