Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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