I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
