Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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