We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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