Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
