i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
