Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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