my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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