1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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