i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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