She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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