So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
