the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My life is pants optional.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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