ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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