so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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