you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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