You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
