I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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