dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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