He felt like a one man threesome
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
