guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
