You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
