I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
