He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
