I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
