Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
