it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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