I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
