Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
