you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
