Don't make out with my wife yet
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
