look no pants
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
