I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
