How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
True strength comes from lack of pants
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
