I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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