She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
