I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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