People in love make me want to vomit
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
