Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Are my feet made of real feet?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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