new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
