on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
be right there i have to get my cape
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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