You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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