I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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