I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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