Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
