Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
